I was on a walk this afternoon, contemplating life and I came up with an idea for something I want to write. It has been stewing in me for a while, but I didn’t know how to do it. But I think I have figured it out. So I’ll be writing an outline soon I hope. Hopefully it will keep me focused.
So my sister moved out of the house this weekend with her husband and baby. This has been in the works for about a year and it finally happened. So it wasn’t a surprise.
What surprised me was how sad it made me feel. I have lived alone before, but this time it is different. I’m really sad at the moment, I’ve walked around the house and it just feels empty. There is no life in this place. It’s like the soul of the house is gone and I’m still here.
I sit alone in my basement, and I hope that nothing has changed when I walk upstairs. That I will see my sister and my niece sitting on the couch watching tv and asking me what I have in store for the day. I miss me asking what she and her husband are going to do.
I know I am the older brother, but we are family. An I miss it already and it has only been two days.
I guess I don’t like being left alone, I like having people around. I know this because when I lived in San Francisco, I would get this way and meet up with friends and just hang out. I can’t do that now. I’m here in Maryland.
So I need to find a new way to deal and I will. But it gonna take a while.
An this time around, I have this attraction to Salli Richardson, which I didn’t have the first time around. So I guess my taste in women have changed, yet again. I just find it funny, that I watched this T.V. show till it ended in 2012, and didn’t blink an eye about the female cast. Now in 2014, I am like damn, how did I miss her. LOL.
So I thought I would post, also here are some links, if you are interested in looking up Salli Richardson.
So I thought I would log how my days have been going so far.
[Day 01: The Craving]
So I woke up that day, just wanting a cigarette, I hadn’t had one since Friday, 11:35PM and the craving to go outside and light one up was almost unbearable. But I just told myself, I didn’t need one, and decided to go upstairs, get something to drink and go outside. I did that to stop the urge of going outside, I need to trick my break into thinking I had a cigarette, but in reality I didn’t. So I stepped outside, and walking around like I normally do, and had a sip of my drink while I walk. Replaying the urge to smoke, with the urge to drink.
I then passed the day paying Diablo 3 and watch NetFlix, because I knew I was going through with draw.
[Day 02: Withdraw]
It was a struggle, I was in a mood of not taking shit from anyone, I didn’t want to be told what to do, I didn’t want to interact with anyone one. My body was fighting the Nicotine withdraw, and I didn’t have any energy what so ever. But I pushed on through the day, I mostly stayed in bed. My mind wanted to go out and do things, but my body was having nothing to do with it.
[Day 3: Back to Work]
So now I am on Day 3, I am writing this now, because I need to do something other then smoking. I know these urges will leave me eventually, but til it is a my 1000th thought, in my though path, I just need to fill my time. I mean really it is ranked 1 or 2 in my mind now. I get bored and my first thought is to go outside and smoke. Well Fuck you smoking. You won’t win, this time.
Also I don’t want to give Dave $100 if I start smoking again.
So I have always been a RSS person, I find it easy to subscribe and just read all the news from a site. But since Google Reader is gone, and I have been using Feedly as my hub. I haven’t really subscribed to anything else in a while. So me finding new stuff to read has been slow.
Now that I have started using Reddit, that has all changed, I can find new stuff that interest me, add it to my subreddit list and bam a whole new feed to read. It actually pretty nice, to find stuff to do on the site.
I don’t know if it will replace all my RSS feeds, but at least now I have another to read stuff. So we will see.
Lately, I have been having issues with Chrome. It seems to be all over the place lately, and I think I am going to switch back to Firefox. I still use chrome for stuff that requires flash, because I don’t want to install Adobe Flash on my PC, due to the constant updates, its as bad as Java. But I think it is time to move on from Chrome being my daily browser.
I think its time to seriously consider just becoming a weekend gamer. I took a couple of days last week, because I was stressed out. Work and my personal life collided with each other, and I finally gave into taking a break from reality for a little bit.
But during that time to escape I decided to play video games the whole time, it helped me forget about reality and just focus on world of make believe. But it made me realize something about myself, I have become addicted to games all over again. It made me see that I wasted a lot of good hours, just sitting in front of a screen to do absolutely nothing. I don’t need to escape reality during the week, I need to embrace it.
I need to start applying what I do in games, to my life. To make the changes I need to advance to my goals. The break I took made me realize, that this isn’t were I need to be, so I need to change that.
So the first this I need to give up is games during the week, and maybe games all together. I need to fill my nights with doing something productive.
So I told myself that once, I get to 1000 post on my blog, I would get off blogger and go to a real service. I have bought a web server and used squarespace before, but I wasted money because I never posted anything. So this time around I decided that blogger would be the right fit. An so far it has been, I am only 200 post in, and its been 2 years I think.
At this point it might take me a while to get 1000, but I’ll wait. If it comes to that. I won’t be moving any of my content over. I’ll link to this blog instead.
But I just wanted to take note of this again, in my blog, since I have been posting lately. I’ve been trying to make a post everyday.
Last night I said I would only play till the end of Act 2, well that didn’t happen, I went into Act 3 and beat the first boss. I really need to go to sleep early tonight. But lets see if that will happen.
So since I did play last night I’ll update you on the new look and build.